tsvetoslav shalev

“When love slides into the edge of unconcern or vanishes in the cornfield of forgetfulness, our mind must loosen the knots that tie us to the barren fields of a lost past.”

– Eric Pevernagie

It’s been quiet for some time now. All of the good stuff, completely internalized; meanwhile, on the outside, I am all smiles and nods. Did you know I have a YouTube channel? While I wouldn’t recommend it, tis where you can put a face to the words contained within this blog. Yet another thing to keep my mind preoccupied, as I wait my turn to feel happiness again. Short-lived though such moments be, they are a great reminder of why life’s worth living.

A familiar feeling has crept back into my life, no doubt shaped by a worsening of my informational diet over the past few months. At first, I could only catch but a glance of it, reflected off the lusterless windowpanes of the buildings of Leigh. As I am typing this, I feel its very presence here in my dimly lit living room, sitting in the same chair I am sat, staring blankly at nothing in particular. Listless, outwardly disaffectionate and fatigued of mind, I seem unable to shake off its gravitational pull. Worse yet, I’ve no one to blame for this state I am in, so anger is yet again only but a distant memory. It’s almost as if my entire being is in waiting, but what that might be I do not know. Or maybe I do, and am reluctant to admit to myself that I am not at all a mindful person, loving their own company. I need to be doing stuff! My mind abhors the now of my present reality, so keeping busy is the band-aid to a broken heart. But I don’t just want to do stuff for the sake of it – effort should make sense. I think writing makes sense. Adrift, not quite sinking. Am I making sense?

I hope this short “hello, how are you keeping up?” finds you well. It’s perfectly okay to be feeling out of sorts from time to time. Just need to keep our eyes peeled for shenanigans, especially when they be stemming from within. No more bullsh*t, not even from me! And remember: You can actually die laughing. So, cheerio! Responsibly, that is.