I’m writing this piece from the comfort of my parents’ old house, in the rural town of Tutrakan, Bulgaria. I happen to be sitting in a plastic armchair under the cool shade of a tall cherry tree, with a bottle of mineral water to my right, and the white-hot June sun setting to my left. Because the only internet router in the house is positioned closer to the garden, I can also stream my favourite YouTube and Twitch shows, while enjoying the fresh, almost countryside-quality air.
Without context, things don’t get much better – I am away from my busy life in London, the UK, away from the 9-6-5 grind, so far away from the noise and the heat of the roads near the city’s centre, away from my 1 bedroom flat, with its tiny decorative balcony and the smells of fried chicken and kebab grease from the neighbouring restaurants, away from the countless homeless gnawing steadily at my psyche, the loud ravings of doomsayers and the predatory approaches of charity workers sent out to unwillingly bully passers-by into sharing their personal, as well as bank account details. I am far away from all that in body and in spirit (despite the aforementioned), but I’m also so very alone. And it’s not like I don’t have a girlfriend, a sweet bubbly thing of 22, working herself to exhaustion so she can have her financial independence (who could blame her?). I can and do go and visit her at her workplace, but we’ve little to say to each other – she has plans and dreams to chase but doesn’t want another boyfriend but me. I, on the other hand, hardly ever make any plans and my dreams do not seem as tangible to me (yet). So, when I saw the video shared at the beginning of this post, its sheer absurdity made me feel pity towards the interviewed, but it also left me lost in thought. I began analysing the differences and similarities between myself, and the 35 year old Japanese – we’re both males, born before the boom of the internet, have both difficulties forming and maintaining relationships with people who are very different from ourselves, have conflicting thoughts and feelings about women and sexuality in general. The differences – he is slim (most likely was and will be), while I’ve spent my life thus far overweight and deeply ashamed of my body, he’s never left his country, while I’ve had the experience of learning about a new place and a different way of doing things; his obsession-turned-love with a concept (inanimate idea) began in the early 2000s and the man has not had a chance to be intimate with another human being, while I’ve had about 3 relationships with actual girls (now women) and some physical intimacy (mostly inadequate and awkward, if I’m honest). While he hails from the land of anime and fanservice, I have occasionally obsessed over a female character in video games (Lara Croft in the first reboot of Tomb Raider, Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite, the mute protagonist in Transistor and the list does go on), as well as watched and still do adult entertainment (even admit to knowing names of actresses). And while the Japanese man in the video claims to have lost all interest in women, my interest hasn’t really abated, but I’ve stopped believing that I’ll ever meet my ‘soulmate’.
So, what gives? I really don’t know. I’m finding it difficult to believe that the man in the video deems himself unlovable by a real human being. Then again, I’ve had little luck with securing a companion – to the contrary, at times I feel quite incapable and inadequate, a lesser man. This condition, although not uniquely Japanese, can certainly be exacerbated by societal norms. As the gentleman stated a number of times in the video, older generations are unable to accept the emotional supplementation that technology allows for. That’s understandable. What was once a dream, namely, the ability to be selective about our own experiences is gradually becoming a reality. Still, in its infancy, the technology behind companion AIs is woefully limited, but many individuals are working on it as we speak and improvements will happen. The movie ‘HER’ beautifully portrays my expectations of where this particular technological trend is headed. From lifeless, mechanical exchanges, the AI algorithms should soon provide more meaningful and varied conversation pieces. Add to that Deep Fake voice modulation and high-fidelity VR/AR choices of models, and the beautiful lie will be complete. Like Narcissus, who saw his own reflection in a pool of water and fell in love with himself, many of us are already looking forward to the technological advancements in these areas, ready and willing to fall in love with a perfectly flawed image.
Personally, I feel loneliness isn’t going anywhere, regardless of the position you’re in. It’s a multifaceted complication of the human condition and a huge driving force. Should you find yourself in a position of love and contentment, try not to frown at those unlucky few – we’re all in this together, so profoundly alone it hurts.
tsvetoslav shalev 
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